Stroke Victimness

I started my story last week and with my right hand still not working the best, I decided to put the rest of the story on hold. Now I have I'd say 90% of my right hand coordination back and I can type much better. Yay!

So after the ER doctor said I had a stroke, I was told I would be transferred from St. Joseph East to Central Baptist which had a ICU dedicated to stroke victims. I didn't plan for this day to happen like this. Yes I secretly wanted to take the day off to spend time with Lacey but I would take going to work any day over this. So the EMT came to pick me up. I scooted over to the small/moveable bed, then they strapped me in like I was a crazy person needing to be strapped in, then cranked the bed super high. As I was being wheeled out of the ER at first I tried to not meet people's stares. It was the uncomfortable stare that people do when they don't want to look at you but can't help it because you're in front of their face. I decided to have what fun I could and started doing the pageant wave with my right/stroke hand. It was hard not to giggle because as soon as people saw that I was waving at them staring they looked uncomfortable. It was funny and the EMT's loved it. It was the first time I rode in an ambulance and I hope the last. I kinda wanted them to turn the lights on and I could of if I would have asked but my energy was shot by then. The EMT that rode with me did comfort my fears some while we talked. I had to keep telling myself we were going to be okay.

When I got to Central Baptist ICU room there were 10 nurses around to get all my info, stick me with needles, put IV needles in my arm, and to undress me. I'd be lying if I said any of that was fun. I tried to be positive and was happy when they said they couldn't believe I had a baby 3 months ago. Bless their hearts. :) The rest of the day was somewhat of a blur for me. Jennilyn came and picked up Lacey while my mom and Kyle came to the hospital. I knew Lacey would be taken good care of with her. I had 3 different doctors come in and work with me to see my reactions to movements. My boss came by. My home teachers came and gave me an awesome blessing. I'm so grateful for the Priesthood. I saw Lacey at night and I was a mess. I have never been away that long. She wanted to eat and I had already pumped. I felt like a horrible mom and missed my baby. Late that night the nurses took me to get yet another MRI/MRA. I broke down right before they put me in the tube. It had been a long day.

Friday was rough. More tests, more pumping, more of not seeing Lacey. I had some milk frozen so Lacey had food. I was happy to wake up to my cutest little sister Celeste sitting next to me. Oh how I wish we could have fun with me not in the hospital. Friday afternoon I had an Angiogram. Sounds fun huh? No, it's the opposite. They went up through the groin area to my vertebral artery in my neck and then gave me a shot with dye so they could see both the left and right vertebral artery. My right v artery was what caused my strokes and was a mess of dissections. The left v artery was good but it was so sensitive that just injecting the dye in my bloodstream slightly damaged it. So the neurosurgeon put a stent in my left vertebral artery. The best part, and I'm being extremely sarcastic, was that I was awake for the whole surgery. I had to be. So that was so not fun. I was wheeled back to recover. Again, I saw Lacey at night. She was the highlight of my day. Right after that I was given Heparin in my IV drip and then a shot in the stomach of Cumidin which I got 4 of over the 24 hour span. Thanks nurse for making my day worse.I saw Lacey at night again. Usually babies or kids are not allowed up but since she was so young and she was covered while in the hospital except my room the Doctor and nurses gave us the green light. I would have been more of a mess if I couldn't have seen her.

Saturday I spent with my dad. My dad is a very calm person and it was nice to be around him and his positive attitude. I've always been a daddy's girl. Speech, occupational, and physical therapists all came by to assess my situation. It was so frustrating to not be able to do the simple act of pick buttons up. If I could have I would have thrown them across the room. Dumb test. My speech was getting better and only I could notice it being somewhat slow. I then had an ultrasound on my heart, and more blood tests. I was told then that I could no longer breastfeed. I was heartbroken. I had worked so hard to enjoy breastfeeding. Seriously, whoever says that it's all fun and games is a liar. I'd say the first 6 weeks were horrible. I'd run away from Kyle when he would say Lacey's hungry. It hurt and I finally started to really enjoy it. I could actually say that I loved it. I already felt I was such a bad mom for leaving my baby while in the hospital but this too? I didn't have a choice really. There was no choice but to put me on blood thinners which could cause harm to Lacey through breastmilk, even death. So...yeah I quit. But add trying to 'dry up' to the stroke patient in the ICU. Shoot me.

Sunday I wanted Celeste with me all day while Kyle took care of Lace. We talked, laughed, and played with the buttons. I was progressively getting better and even walked around the ICU. I saw other stroke patients and yes I was an easy 50 years younger than them but I was moving around unlike most of them. It was sad. My PT helped me walk and then did a few tests. He said I was an easy 8 weeks ahead of any stroke patient he's ever seen. He told me to be patient and consider myself really blessed. Then and there I said a quick prayer for all my blessings. Really, I'm blessed to be alive, blessed to be regaining my coordination so quickly. I had to start looking at the positive. The highlight of Sunday was easily my shower. I had had a sponge bath the last two days. I did think the hair caps that wash your hair with shampoo were cool but I was so over that. I was supposed to be moved to a regular room that had a shower but I was still in the ICU. I talked the nurses into letting me take a shower anywhere close. So..they had me use the bathroom next to the patient waiting room just out of the ICU. It was a small bathroom but it did have a shower. There was no seat in the shower so they put one of their wheelchair seats in the shower, so ghetto, but it worked. Celeste was a saint. I had to sit down and she washed me. We couldn't stop laughing at the awkwardness and the randomness of the situation. It was hilarious! It was so nice to be clean! After the shower fiasco, Kyle, my parents, and Lacey came. During their stay they finally found me a normal room and transfered me. They took me off all the monitors and IV's and I was finally on the road to recovery.

Monday we slept in a little bit. My mom and Kyle were there for another surgery I had Monday afternoon. They did find a small hole in my heart that was supposed to heal after I was born but it was nothing that needed surgery or to worry about. I saw Lacey again at night and was happy to hear she was taking the bottle and formula like a champ. I really missed her and couldn't wait to be home and be a mom. Monday night was of course the Bachelor and I looked forward to it all day. Celeste, Kyle, and I ate goodies (thanks Buffie, Vicky, and Sonja) and watched the Bachelor. Team Emily for sure.

Tuesday both Kyle and I were ready to go home and thank goodness we were discharged. I worked with the PT for a little bit and she gave me a crutch to use on my left side to support my right side. I was still weak on my right side but hoped I wouldn't have to use the crutches long. It took awhile but we got home around 4. I was so excited to be home with Lace. I tried to cuddle and wanted to walk around with her but physically I couldn't. I had a really hard time not being able to feed her, change her, not even wake up in the middle of the night to do like I had been doing the past 3 1/2 months. I was a bit bitter and angry about it.

Since being home I've recovered I'd say 90%. I can walk without a crutch, I can walk around with Lace, I can do most of the everyday things. My neck, where they put the stent in hurts constantly, my handwriting isn't what it used to be, and I can't walk for an extended amount of time. I'm on 3 blood thinners right now and I'm waiting for results on my blood tests to see just how long I need to be on this medication. I'm scared for the future and for the possibility of maybe having another stroke. However, I'm so blessed to have recovered so quickly. I'm blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father who I know is looking after me and my family. I'm blessed with a loving and supporting husband and the cutest daughter. I'm blessed to have such a supportive family. My parents and siblings all have been there for me and my two sisters even came out here. I am so grateful for the many prayers that were said in my behalf and I'm grateful to all my friends that have either visited, called/emailed, sent flowers, sent candy/letters, gave meals, helped babysit, etc. I feel so loved and supported. That is what gets me motivated to get better everyday.

For more details of the type of stroke I had go here.